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Grief In May

The sun may be out shining on your face, and yet it may only be drying a tear.

There is light at the other end of the rainbow. It is hard, when your heart breaks. I send you love.

Have you heard the great reviews from the

7 Ways to heal yourself and the world, tele course program?

Turning grief into becoming a Planetary Coach to heal others and our dear mother earth is very empowering. It makes you smile, brings you joy, and a real since of purpose.

The After Life Conference was wonderful, so validating, to be with a group of so many who have  invisible relationships with their loved ones. I discovered some things I did not know about,

1. Grief Digest Magazine, is excellent. The website is

2.The Academy of Spirituality and Paranormal Studies, Inc website talk about enlightening.

3. great support

4. Anne Puryear gave a heart lifting talk on Suicide, I highly recommend reading her books. You can easily google her.

5. Terri Daniel also was very moving and inspirational on after death communication.

6. Herb Puryear, is so well studied as a biblical scholar, that he helps bridge afterlife with those afraid of breaking some Biblical rules.

There are free audios at

I was going over my personal notes from the month of May 2008 in my mourning year, and I cut this piece out to share.

[My Son Hudson crossed over and I hung wind chimes on a tree as a place to talk to him]

Tonight I went out to the chimes. I completely told them off. I was mad and having a rage. It is interesting to see how many months it has taken to get angry. I actually thought that I would skip over that one. Why didn’t he tell me sooner how he was feeling? Why didn’t he take better care of himself? Why he didn’t he value his life more? After yelling at the chimes, I realized I really had no right to judge if he lived his life wrong or right, or if he knew if his heart was endangered or not. Just letting go of judgment gifted me with a breeze caressing my body. The chimes started ringing and I felt forgiveness for myself and for him. I felt a sense of peace come over me. I realized that tonight actually was the Angel of Peace. I began communing. I have the sensation that peace is really the art of forgiveness—surrendering, handing it over. I lit a candle next to my Mother Mary statue and then I felt inspired to go get my oval bronze ceramic bowl and fill it with holy water. Many new moons ago, with my new moon sisters, I gave them each a water bottle and pens to write on the bottle, to make their own holy water. My sister Barbara wrote on my bottle “He is with you”. Whenever I have doubts, I drink out of that bottle.

When I was a child digging in the dirt, I uncovered an old early eighteen hundreds Catholic cobalt blue holy water bottle. I always kept it around, just for the beauty of the bottle. But after that night with my new moon sisters, I decided to get it off the shelf, fill it with water to start making holy water. I visualized all the popes and preachers, fathers through the centuries who had blessed the water which had been in this jar and that those prayers would get ignited as I poured water in and let it sit.

Forgiveness has to be felt, experienced. I use to have clients blow all their anger in a ballon and then let it go. Or tie it up and then sit on it until it pops. But forgiveness I must clean myself.

The holy water from the blue holy bottle, I poured into the oval bowl. I carried the bowl over to my Mother Mary statue. I imagined taking Hudson’s feet, one foot at a time, and washing them in my holy water with forgiveness and love. Then I dipped one foot of my own in at a time and as I laid my hands over each foot, I washed away all my sins until I felt a sense of forgiveness. The stars were abundant in the evening sky. I felt lighter underneath the canopy. Suddenly I saw a jet trail moving across the sky. I remembered what my new moon sister Avona said—that every time she sees a jet trail, she sees it as another web of love crossing the dimension. I thanked the jet stream for another stream of love. I closed my eyes to feel the stillness of peace. I feel it entering every cell in my body. It makes me smile. The chimes start ringing. I open my eyes and a shooting star crosses the sky. We do crazy things, some think they are insane. Whatever works for you in healing is the perfect thing for you to do. Our own unexamined assumptions and beliefs about the mystery of life all get cross-examined during tragic periods of our own lives. Like peeling an orange, we peel back to the core of our being. They say that there are nutrients in the peelings of an orange, just as there are nutrients in our own shell as well. My journey has started out strong, in shock, mum’s the word. But as the months went by, I started feeling powerless and robbed of creativity, consumed with questions of loss. I talked to a friend who told me that he still searches for his son in a crowd, even though he’s on the other side; how you never get over it. Even though, he’s a Christian and knows that eventually he will see him again, every time I hear these statements which I have heard countless amounts of time, I want to rejudge them. It doesn’t make sense to me that God would ever want us to take the rest of our lives to process grief, or to see them again. My whole journey of writing has been to find the answer and I believe that Hudson’s whole journey of writing with me has been to confirm that I’m right. He is with me still! I feel him, I see him in the mist. Like a moral compass, my soul has navigated me one day at a time. Through these startling discoveries, awakening, my core belief is what has saved me. The core belief of knowing my ideas, what I’m determined to see, believe or create, is what my result will be. I have a sense of responsibility, knowing that if I change, grow and become a better person through this, I will be helping the world. It all starts inside, not outside.

Sharing our stories is healing, please share yours. I send you love, Louise Rouse


1 Response to "Grief In May"

  • Kip Frese says: